Log in

No Users
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in Clean Addicts' LiveJournal:

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
11:37 pm
Hi, I am not an addict but my boyfriend is. He has been clean for almost a year, but today I found a spoon in his drawer. The bottom was burned and the inside of the spoon had a blue residue. I am wondering if anyone could tell me what it might be. He is mainly into opiates, but even before he started getting help I never found anything like this around the house. I am/have been committed to helping him in any way that I can, but I want to know what I'm dealing with first. I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this and comment.
Monday, March 2nd, 2009
7:29 pm
i wish to eat the world.
 To me, being clean means being excited for my future.

It was not a particularly notable day. As I sat on my bathroom floor, smoking a cigarette as I often do, out of nowhere I got the impression of something much bigger than the present. I felt like I wanted to eat the world. I wanted every emotion, every experience, every fact and every piece of knowledge inside of me. I felt like I did when I was a kid-- like the world was just big enough to be exciting and I was just eager enough to take it all on.

I never, never felt like that when I was using. Then, I felt like the world was big enough to either elude me or crush me-- and I was just scared enough to give up the chase or give up the fight.

Today, I remain horribly afraid of the world-- afraid both of what I know and what I do not know of it. But today, my fears are well-founded. I worry about things like my health, my resume, my family, my career, what I will have for dinner, where I will intern over the summer...

When I was using, my only worry was “The Numbers Game”. How much could I find? How much did I take yesterday? Today? How much can I take tomorrow? What happens if I can’t find more until the day after tomorrow? Or next week? How many days until I panic? How much money do I have? How much money do I need?

Worries, clean or using, are very real and very devastating. But when I was using, I could do nothing to ease my worries. If I could find my drug of choice, even in large amounts, I knew I would always need to find it again; that no amount, no matter how large, would last forever. I was absolutely powerless and totally in the hands of my suppliers. I could never, never relax. My habit required nothing short of religious vigilance.

Clean, I can manage my worries. I can manage my worries because I can manage my life-- my drug and my suppliers aren’t managing it for me. I am not powerless at all; I am powerful. I’m still young and healthy, but I’m only healthy if I stay clean. My resume can be built, but I must be clean to build it. My career will be nothing short of outstanding so long as my addiction does not rob me of my will to become. As for my summer internship... just over one year ago today, I wanted to die on the closet floor. I prayed for it. And today I sit, on the brink of interning in a highly professional and selective environment-- worries in one hand; confidence, know-how, ambition and courage in the other.

Today, I have the taste of the world in my mouth, and that is what being clean means to me.

Friday, June 3rd, 2005
9:46 am
ahhh...my peeps
Hey I'm Janet or planet or crazy fucking girl..whatever, and I am surely an addict.
I am coming up on 2 years but all the sudden I am starting to wonder do I really want recovery? I know that I do NOT want to use. Thank God that I don't have that desire anymore but I am not so sure about changing the way I am...eg.flamboyant, flirty,sexual,uh VERY SEXUAL.
I dunno lately all my NA friends have decided that they need a break from me cause I seem to be too much for them to handle. This has happened to me all my life.(I am a scorpio)
So I dunno, just needed to share.
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
1:48 pm
Hi I'm Andrea and I'm an addict with an eating disorder
Hi... I'm Andrea and I'm an addict... with an eating disorder. I just signed up for Livejournal. I used to post on Blurty but they didn't have many clean and sober communities. Anyway, I have a little of 3 months clean. I went into rehab for my drug addiction and eating disorder in November and stayed there 45 days. It was the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm looking to meet other clean people to chat with and get support from. I have been going to meetings everyday, calling my sponsor, working my first step and fellowshiping with others. Life is good!!
Sunday, February 6th, 2005
7:11 pm
Hi. I just wanted to share real fast: I'm four days and just over 22 hours free. I just wanted someone who understands to know.
Sunday, January 16th, 2005
2:10 pm
A question. Hopefully not an intrusion.
Hi. I'm new at your community, I joined because I had a question/request, and I won't stay long. The reason I tell you that is because I'm not an addict, and I have a lot of respect for clean addicts and have no desire to intrude into a forum that you've built for yourselves. I've worked in addictions, some, as a counselor, attended more NA and AA meetings than I think very many non-addicts have, and have immense respect, as I said, for the intense, unremitting work of getting and staying clean.

I haven't read your posts. I'm posting here, but since I have e-mail notification, I don't even need to come back to read your responses. I'll try to respect your space to the nth degree. Given all that, if folks still feel that my presence here, just making this post, feels like a violation of the communitiy's expectations, I'll delete it and leave. I'm serious.

The rest of this is behind a cut because I am going to talk about some advice I could use in working with addicts, and I talk specifically about drug use. I don't know what your community rules and conventions are, and I don't want to trigger anyone.

Talking with youth about drugs.Collapse )
Sunday, December 5th, 2004
5:51 pm
16 Step Group
I'm wanting to start a 16 step recovery group in the Twin Cities Metro Area as an alternative to 12 step recovery groups. (i.e. AA/NA) If anyone wants to get in on this or has any ideas of how to get this project on it's feet please email me at sarah.tonin@gmail.com.


Read more...Collapse )

x-posted all over the place!!!!!
Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
1:32 pm
just wanted to say hello an that I ahve six months clean come the 15th yay for me
Thursday, October 9th, 2003
2:00 pm

Are you a caffeine junkie?
Find out here.
Already aware that you are one?
Join here.
Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
10:12 am
Drug addiction is like a rising monster, once awaken, it becomes increasingly difficult to put it back to sleep. The monster corrupts you, steals your personality, deprives you of the real "me", and causes you to turn into a shell. It puts the "you" to sleep so that it can dominate your body and mind.

I have been clean for 7 years now....

Current Mood: energetic
About LiveJournal.com